On Saturday the children and I set off excitedly to Southend to see the Milkshake Show at the Cliffs Pavilion. We go to the theatre a lot for reviews on the blog but this was actually not for me to write about. I had won tickets in a competition and we were very excited!

We went on the train and we had a really jolly time on the journey there talking about how much fun we were going to have. But… when we arrived at the Cliffs Pavilion we almost immediately I knew that this particular theatre experiences was NOT going to be one of the best.

I wasn’t planning on writing about it at all. It was just for us to go to and enjoy but we had such a terrible time (mostly down to the theatre and not the Milkshake Show itself) that I had to mention it. We spent the first half in tears. Florence AND me!

Why? Well, almost as soon as we arrived it became clear that we were not going to get away from the merchandise stall which was placed right in the middle of the foyer to grab everyone as they came in. They were selling extortionately priced goods like flashing wands that can ordinarily be picked up in the pound shop and enticing the children in by having them all on display as they waved them about calling children in.

On top of this, announcements kept coming over the tannoy encouraging parents to BUY for their children. Apparently this was the Cliffs Pavilion rather than the show organisers choice. Either way it set the mood for us in a bad way. Florence is 4, she asked for a wand. Of course she did. I said to her that on this occasion, because I’d have to buy one for Jimmy too, I just couldn’t afford it. To start with she was ok with this but more and more announcements and encouragements from the selling staff kept happening and as more and more parents were cajoled into parting with their money Florence became distraught that she didn’t have one. I felt I couldn’t give in as it would set a presidence and I wasn’t going to do that but because we couldn’t get away from it the whole day was ruined.

She was in tears and by the time the show started so was I. Wrestling with the question was I mean to say no and wrestling with keeping my decision as it was. All the while with people offering my child the wand she wanted over the speakers saying she could have one, all she needed to do was buy one. It wasn’t fair!

On top of this I was told the seats were set out in a way that children couldn’t see so they needed a booster. Ok, I said, I’ll have two. But I was charged 50p for each of them?! What?! I have been to LOADS of children’s theatre and NEVER been charged for a booster before. Apparently it’s because people steal them and the 50 pence covers the cost of new ones. I’m sorry but I fail to see how if you WANTED to steal a booster chair that 50p would be an incentive not to? Surely a deposit would be better? Nope, they didn’t think so.

I spoke to the manager who was very rude and when I asked where my buggy could go he was very off hand, didn’t really know and was completely unhelpful until I left him no option but to help me by TELLING him he would help me and take the buggy somewhere safe.

The Cliffs Pavillion theatre is RUBBISH! It’s old it’s tired and it’s a terrible theatre to take children to. The show was actually very good but we were very miserable throughout it and by the time we got to the meet and greet part of our competition win Florence didn’t even want her picture taken with the stars. I had mine taken with Jimmy just to show we were there but my face says it all. My make-up gone from crying silently as the show started and worn out from all the upset.

I asked the tour manager why they put such a hard sell on the merchandise and he said he agreed but there was nothing he could do. It was a truly terrible experience never to be repeated. ALL shows have merchandise on offer and Florence knows that sometimes I can buy and sometimes I can’t. That is always an end to it and she is a good girl and fine with that. But with the Milkshake Show it kept being rammed down her throat and must have felt mighty unfair to her that she couldn’t have something. IF I had known this at the beginning I would have bought one but by the time it became clear the sell was unrelenting I couldn’t give in and it simply shouldn’t be like that. Tickets, if you buy them, are expensive enough without making people feel bad and ruining days if you don’t spend further.

The show was full of energy and they worked hard with great dancing. It was far better really than lots of similar ones we’ve seen but the hard sell alone makes me say DON’T GO! And definitely don’t go to Cliffs Pavilion for a show with children (or any other if you can help it)! Hateful staff, hateful place and an ugly theatre to boot! Even at Wembley, for CBeebies Live, the sell was nowhere near as obtrusive as this one! YUCK! YUCK! YUCK! And shameful! A shameful merchandise pony above anything else!

I was not asked to write about this show.

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