Through the ever present Facebook it came to my attention that my first ever boyfriend got married a couple of weeks ago. I’m not actually friends with him on the social networking site but we have mutual friends and up popped a photo of him on his big day with his beautiful wife. I felt incredibly happy to see him looking so happy and so in love, it made me shed a tiny tear actually. Did it make me have a pang of something else too, some sort of feelings? No, nothing like that, I don’t even know him anymore but it made me happy for someone I once knew. I think it just made me remember a time gone past but it didn’t give me a jolt of anything; my little tear was purely just seeing someone I once loved becoming a husband and looking wonderful on his wedding day. It drew me on a trip down memory lane though and I remembered that I have lots to thank that boy, or man as he is now, for.

When I met him I was fifteen, mixed up and an emotional wreck. He swept in at just the same age as me and wrapped me up in something lovely and comforting. Without that boyfriend, my first very innocent love, who was wise beyond his years, I wouldn’t be the person I am today I don’t think. I was on a bit of a funny old path at that point in my life and without the calming and loving influence of that chap, I could quite easily have been a very different person today, someone I’m glad that I’m not.

I dated him for two years and after that, when he’d broken my heart (and he did break it), we somehow managed to stay friends for a long time. When we broke up I couldn’t let go of him and I think he felt that he couldn’t let go of me either so a good friendship came from it. One which was skewed with one or other of us always wanting more but a true friendship all the same. He wanted to get back together not long after we finished but somehow, by then, I didn’t and so it went on but friends we remained…

I treated that friendship very badly though and I don’t think I ever gave him back what he gave to me which was constant friendship with no strings and completely unconditionally. I let him nurse me through broken hearts and would drop him like a hot potato when a new love interest arose for me. I also abused the fact that when he had a new girlfriend I could easily distract him and ruined probably more than one relationship for him. I wasn’t trying to be a bad friend, I never meant to hurt him but at the time I never even saw that I was. I do see it now and I feel and have felt very sorry about it for a long time.

When I got together with Jonny who I knew was the one from the word go, this old boyfriend no longer wanted to be my friend. I knew the reason wasn’t because he himself wanted to be with me because I don’t think he did by then but I think he’d just had enough. Enough of holding me up through other break ups and enough of being treated in a way that as the brilliant friend he was, he didn’t deserve. Again, back then I didn’t really understand and when I would try to ring and wish him a Happy Birthday or something and he wouldn’t talk to me, I just didn’t get it. I missed his friendship and always have done but I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong. I think I do now. I look back and I see that I broke a good friendship all on my own, he wasn’t weird or odd or a bad friend to me, he just did what any normal bloke would do and cut ties.

I do miss that he’s not my friend anymore and from time to time I think of the times we had as both very innocent teenagers in love for the first time and also as friends. I have tried to make amends over the years but I understand that he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore and that’s more than fair enough. I don’t harbor any feelings for him but he was once my best friend in the whole world, was always a great person and when my Grandma was dying while I was pregnant with Florence, even though he didn’t want to talk to me, I asked him for something I knew he could give me the answer to and he did. Because he’s a thoroughly decent chap and always has been.

I was so happy to see a picture of him smiling such a massive smile and looking so lovingly into the eyes of the girl he married, the girl who was looking right back at him in exactly the same beautiful way. It’s absolutely none of my business in any way whatsoever but I needed to tell this person who was such a big part of my life that I am sending him so many congratulations and wishing him and his new bride a lifetime of happiness together. I can’t really tell him obviously, we don’t speak, and he won’t read this post either so I’m telling you instead; Someone very special got married and I am sending him my congratulations, I’m wishing him the best of times with his new wife and I hope they have everything they desire to make their lives perfect. So there. I’ve said it to someone. That made me feel better!

MY LIFE WITH 2!

We have been having an exhausting time with lots of things planned at the moment. I don’t remember the summer holidays being so busy when I was little but my diary is jam packed with events for the children. Lots of them for my blog and while it’s absolutely lovely to be invited to such fun things I am trying to plan a week in Norwich where we won’t do anything more than open up my Mum’s back door and bundle into the garden. It was great being there last weekend but we really need a few more days to fully take advantage of the ‘doing nothing’ aspect and I think I have a week sorted for it!

Adding to the tiredness has been Jimmy not sleeping and feeding all night long. I check his mouth for teeth all the time but there were no signs then one day in the week, over night, FOUR molars popped up; no wonder the poor little boy has been having such a hard time! Florence has been entertaining us all with her singing and dancing this week, I can’t think where she gets it from?!

We have just been enjoying the sunshine in London this week, our capital city is never more beautiful than in the summer I think. I love taking the children all over London, even if it IS exhausting at times and I could do with a rest now and then!

Well, that’s it for another week and what a week its been too too – may this sunshine keep rolling! See you again next week and in the mean time please do follow me on Twitter @rocknrollerbaby.

I was not paid for any part of this post.

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