Making Friends: How to Help your Child Find Perfect Pals and Avoid Bad Influences

When our little ones start making friends for the first time, it can be a scary experience for us as well as our kids! How do you know if they’re making the kind of friend who will help them blossom or the kind that will lead them into mischief? Not only are our children starting school and facing a whole new environment, routine and way of learning, but they will be forming the friendships that will influence social interactions throughout their lives.

A recent survey by Voucherbox revealed that a shocking 41% of parents dislike their children’s friends, citing reasons ranging from bad behaviour to being spoilt. So, how do we help them develop fruitful friendships and how to discourage the influence of mischievous little monkeys? The study found 24% of parents try to deter their kids from spending time with the families of problem pals while 35% won’t invite the naughty child to social gatherings.

However, I think there are also more positive ways of discouraging less desirable alliances while also helping other friendships blossom. Try encouraging other friendships to distract from bad influences. An invite to play after school or planning an activity with another parent, such as going to the park or taking the kids to the cinema, can provide prime bonding opportunities.

Forming solid friendships at a young age also helps pave the way for the future. When more complex social issues come into play later on, during the awkward teenage phase, our children’s ability to bond will help them deal with the highs and lows of new romances, going out and feeling comfortable in their own skin.

I always make an effort to remember that children learn from the behaviour they see around them, so, as a parent, I find that demonstrating considerate and kind manners has a big impact on my kids’ behaviour – and therefore on their choice of pals. Showing an interest in new people, being polite and listening subtly builds skills that my kids can use to find fruitful friendships throughout their lives.

Equally, I’ve found that praise for positive social behaviour can be hugely beneficial to the friend-making process. Thanking my kids for sharing and congratulating them for waiting for their turn or helping other children has helped provide them with much-needed tools for lasting and positive friendships, both at primary school and in the future.

Of course, as parents, we experience worry and anxiety not only over whether our children will make friends but about the kind of friendships they will form. I always remind myself to make time to listen to my child’s worries, validate their feelings and make positive suggestions. This helps both me and my kids feel more at ease, especially as children can often pick up on and reflect our feelings as parents.

Ultimately, parental support and positive reinforcement are the best ways to help your children’s friendships blossom while at the same time steering them away from less beneficial influences. All of this will really help ease the school-starting process while providing essential life skills.

Written by Gerry Samson – Mother of two and freelance writer.

Photographs taken and owned by Ruth Davies Knowles of Rocknrollerbaby.