Dearest Florence – You Are Fifteen!

Dearest Florence,

You are fifteen, and wow, what a grown up girl you are! I remember turning fifteen so very clearly, and feeling quite grown up myself, but in truth, you are way more mature than I was at the same age. I could never have owned the poise and grace that comes so effortlessly to you, and I never knew anything of the hard work, determination and care you put into everything you do. You make me, and Daddy, the proudest parents; to know you, to love you, to watch you grow, it is an absolute honour!

The night you were born gave me a whole new life too. That sounds so odd doesn’t it, but truly I don’t even know what my life was like before you, because as with every child born, what went before it seems unfathomable to have been in a world where that baby didn’t exist, and yet I know that until that point I’d sort of just been drifting along. You came to me, and the love I felt was like nothing I knew could exist before then. I’ve been truly blessed to have had that feeling three more times, but you, as the first, gave new meaning to everything for me and for that, and for you, I am always so truly grateful.

People would always ask “is she a good baby?” and I’d reply, “she’s a brilliant baby!”, of course you never slept, you didn’t eat, you always had to be attached to me somehow, and if you couldn’t see me, well, it was like the end of the world! What they meant when the question was asked was did you do all of those things, but to me, that didn’t make a brilliant baby, that made a boring one. I knew from the minute I held you, with snow falling outside the hospital window, and fireworks breaking in the crisp sky beyond the flurry of white, ringing in the new year like on a movie set, that you were a brilliant baby. And as you grew, and grown I know it more and more.

At two weeks old I had a chat with you, I was poorly with mastitis and I needed to sleep, so I said to your beautiful face peeking out from the pram “Florence, please, just today will you have a little nap, I just need to recharge, just today?” and you did. I realise it might sound completely bonkers now, but I know you understood me and you gifted me an afternoon of ease. And while the rest of it wasn’t easy in terms of being able to rest, you were always easy in that you just needed us to understand that you wanted to be able to achieve. You needed to roll, to sit up, to crawl, walk, talk… And you did all of these things very easily, and very quickly. But you were never satisfied once you’d got to the point of mastering the next thing.

When you were about 6 months old, and could sign for the things you wanted, like milk, or to come up, that made it easier for you, but still you just wanted to be better, do something more and you strove to get to the next level. Much as you do now. It’s so interesting to see that who you were as a tiny baby, is exactly who you are now. My sweet and littlest Flobo, I loved you from the first chat we had with you inside my tummy, we had lots of those, one evening later on where I said to you “right now it’s just you and me, soon I’m going to have to share you with the world”, and I love you more and more every single day.

And now I do share you with the world, but I know you have these special eyes for me, like I have for you, and we have these wonderful moments of it being just you and me still. And I know that one of these days I will have to share you with an even bigger world still – you are set for big things! I have always known that, but the time feels closer to coming now, when you will fly away a bit more, not so needing to be attached to me like you once were. But still a brilliant baby, as you always have been, and now a brilliant girl!

Happy birthday my first baby girl, enjoy every second of it being all about you!