With the festive season fast approaching, Early Learning Centre is helping spread Christmas cheer by revealing little ones’ favourite cracker jokes.
A short film, available on www.youtube.com/mothercare, captures the children’s cute joke telling and hilarious reactions.
The video marks the launch of Early Learning Centre’s Christmas gifts featuring a collection of top toys designed to ignite children’s imaginations and encourage learning through play, with toys such as the Sing-Along CD Player, Wooden Farmhouse Kitchen and Big City Wooden Train Table.
My children were lucky enough to have been invited to be in the video and tell their jokes to camera. They look very sweet and are even used as the thumbnail for the video so I’m super proud! Love this!
Jimmy has been telling his joke, ‘What do you get when you cross a vampire on(sic) a snowman? Frostbite!’, ever since although it didn’t actually make the cut. I think he’s really grasped jokes recently and is going to love the ones in the crackers this Christmas!
The top cracker jokes as voted for by Early Learning Centre’s little helpers include:
- Why didn’t anybody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on E-Bay? Because they were too deer
- What do you get if you cross a bell with skunk? Jingle smells
- What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis
- Who delivers presents to baby sharks? Santa Jaws
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
In true Christmas spirit, ELC are giving away £100 worth of ELC Christmas goodies. Be in the draw to win simply by sending us your favourite Christmas cracker joke. Enter via the Rafflecopter form below for your chance to win and the best cracker joke will be chosen on 14/11/2015.
Love seeing your little cracker smile this Christmas… For details on Early Learning Centre’s Top Toys for Christmas visit www.elc.co.uk/top-toys-for-christmas
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Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What’s the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem
Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital?
Because he has private Elf care!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?
Twerky!
What is Santa’s favourite pizza? – One that’s deep pan, crisp and even
What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?
Get out of my face.
What did Mary Poppins want from Santa?
Superclausfragilisticexpiallisnowshoes!
Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
Where does the king keep his army? Up his sleevee.
6. Why did the man sleep under the car?
So he could wake up oily in the morning.
Father Christmas lost his umbrella but he didn’t get wet! Why not?
Because it wasn’t raining!
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park in it man.
(Sorry) 🙂
why did the orange stop rolling up the hill ? he ran out of juice
How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle.
what sits in a pram & wobbles?A jelly baby
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A quissmas quacker…!
What do you call a singing elf?
A wrapper!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas dinner?
Twerky
Why are Christmas trees no good a sewing? Cause they keep dropping their needles
What is Santa’s favourite phone…. Ipole
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party? Because he had no body to go with!!! Hahahaha Classic!
what do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What do you call a donkey with three leg?
A Wonkey!
Where do snowmen go at Christmas?
To the snow…ball!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Ho Ho Ho!
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
What happened when Santa went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker.
Why did the reindeer cross the road
To get to the other side
What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost.
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ?
A pineapple
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days
What does a snowman eat for breakfast? Snowflakes!
Who is Santa’s Favourite singer?
Elf-is Presley Boom Boom 🙂
What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve?
Auld Fang Syne
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What wobbles and flies? A Jelly-copter.
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a Duck? ……. A Christmas Quacker!
why does Santa have 3 gardens?………………..because he likes to Hoe Hoe Hoe!
Where does a snowman keep his money? In a snow bank!
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Iceburgers!
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!
What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
A Mistle-toad!
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
Waiter! Water! My Christmas pudding is off!
Waiter: Off? Where to?
Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis
Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
How does a monkey make toast…….. stick some bread under a Gorilla
Don,t eat yellow snow
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
One snowman said to the other
“Can you smell carrots?”
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments! 🙂
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
A stick
Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? – Twerky
What is red and white, and goes up and down?
Santa in a lift!
How does Good King Wenceslas order his pizza?
Deep pan, crisp and even!
What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Krisp Kringle!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?
🙂 xx
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia! X
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!
What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Can you smell carrots
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
How do Santa’s employees have to register their tax returns?
Elf assessment!! hehe
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts? Wi’ Jammin
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
What do you call an elf who sings? ELFIS
Fab giveaway
Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What is red and white, and goes up and down???
Santa in a lift!!!
Who treats Santa when he is ill?
The NationalElf.
What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!
What did Adam say to Eve on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas Eve.?
What’s Pink and Fluffy?… Pink Fluff.
What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?
Get out of my face
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers
what do you call reindeers with a sense of humour ? Laughing stock
What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!
What’s the most popular wine at Christmas?
“Do I have to eat my Brussel sprouts?”
Why are advent calendars so expensive?
Because their days are numbered
What’s white and goes upwards?
A Confused Snowflake!
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing, it was on the house.
What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?
Twerky!
how did scrooge win the football match? the ghost of christmas passed
Why couldn’t Santa work on Christmas Eve .He has Tinsel-itus
Why aren’t the elves allowed to travel in Santa’s sleigh – because of ‘elf n safety……..
What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?
Twerky!
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia!
How do snowmen get around?
On an icicle!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburnt penguin!
Knock Knock
Who’s there
Mary
Mary who
Mry chrismas
What’s brown and sweet and glides around an ice rink?
Bourneville and Dean
Who hides in a bakery at christmas
A mince spy
What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?
It gets toad away
Why did the turkey join the band?
Because he had drumstick!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Arthur
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?
Whats brown and sticky. A stick :L
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Arthur
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What song do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
Why did the man sleep under the car?
So he could wake up oily in the morning
Why does Santa have 3 gardeners? So he can “ho ho ho” x
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum-you just can’t beat it! Haha
Q: What do elves learn at school?
A: The Elf-abet.
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
what does miley cyrus have for chiistmas dinner!
twerkey
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy ?
What do you do when you see a spaceman? park in it man.
What is the world’s most popular Christmas wine?
‘I really hate Brussels sprouts!’
What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?
TWERKY
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
What hides in a bakery at Christmas… A mince spy
What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Arthur
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
….
Ice caps 🙂 xxx
What is Santa’s favourite pizza?
One that is deep pan, crisp and even.
Q. How do you know when Santa’s in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.
What do you call it when you have 11 elves and another one comes along?
The twelf
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? – Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
who hides in a bakery at christmas? a mince spy
What do you call a singing elf? A wrapper!
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis
what do elfs learn at school ? the elf-abet
What’s white and goes up? A confused snowflake x
.What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas Eve
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis
What is the best gift to get at Christmas…
a Broken Drum! You Just can’t beat it!
What say’s ‘Oh, Oh, Oh ?
Santa walking backwards …..
What do Santas Little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Mary
Mary who ?
Mary Christmas !
What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Tarzipan !
My fave jokes are –
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me, we’ll go places!
And…
Why did no one bid for Rudolph & Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were too deer!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps
whats santas hobby – gardening HO HO HO
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!
What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?
Get out of my face.
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
Why are Christmas trees bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!
What did Adam say to Eve the day before Christmas?
Its Christmas Eve!
What does Miley Cyrus have at christmas?
Twerky!
What do snow men drink?
SnowBalls 🙂 x
Why does Santa have 3 Gardens?
so he can HO HO HO ?
Why does Santa have 3 Gardens?
so he can HO HO HO
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
Where would you find chili beans?
At the north pole!
What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot? Get out of my face.
What do you call people who are scared of Santa claus?
Claustrophobic ????
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What did Santa do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker.
What goes ha ha crash? – a man laughing his head off
Who is Santa’s favourite singer?
Elf-is Presley
what’s santa’s favourite pizza?
One that’s deep pan crisp and even
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned penguin!
What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!
What is a vacationing Santa called?
Sandy Claus
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas?i
Twerky
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What do you call a singing elf?
A wrapper!?
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing – it was on the house!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis!
What’s white, fluffy and swings through a cake shop?
A meringue-utang
Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can Ho Ho Ho.
What did John Lennon say when he left the hairdressers?
Love me do?!
Just got home to find all my Windows smashed in and everything gone!
Whoever’s eaten all my advent calendar chocolates is in big trouble!
?
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
what’s the difference between a snowman and a snowlady?
snowballs
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowlady ?,Snowballs x
What’s Father Christmas’ favourite drink? Beerd 🙂
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly
gates.
‘In honor of this holy season’ Saint Peter said,
‘You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into
heaven.’
The first man fumbled through his pockets and
pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ‘It’s a candle’, he
said.
‘You may pass through the pearly gates’ Saint
Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled
out a set of keys. He shook them and said, ‘They’re
bells.’
Saint Peter said ‘You may pass through the
pearly gates’.
The third man started searching desperately
through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s
panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised
eyebrow and asked, ‘And just what do those
symbolize?’
The third man man replied, ‘These are
Carols.’
Thanks for your joke and entry to the competition. I have edited it as I’m afraid it could have been interpreted as politically incorrect. I’m sure you didn’t intend for it to be offensive so I have just made it read more neutrally. Thanks, Ruth 🙂
What’s Santa’s favourite pizza?
One that’s deep pan, crisp and even 🙂
How does a snowman get to work?
By Icicle.
What do you call a singing elf? A wrapper!
ha ha x
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
2 snowman one says “can you smell carrots”
What do you call a blind reindeer? I have no eye deer
What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?
Twerky!!
What do they sing at a snowmans birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow…..
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker !
why does Santa worry at Christmas ? because he no Elf confidence !
Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks : )
Why did Santa quit smoking? Because it was bad for his elf.
What’s white and fluffy and lives in trees?
A meringue-utan
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas – ‘It’s Christmas Eve’.
What’s santos favourite pizza ?
One that’s deep and crisp and even
What do you call an elf that sings?
A wrapper
Sorry, that was bad. 🙂 😀
What bike does santa Claus ride? A Holly Davidson
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?
A Christmas Quaker!
What goes oh oh oh? Santa flying backwards
What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?
What song do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws!
What did Adam say ? Tomorrow is Christmas EVE
Why is six afraid of seven?
because seven eight nine
What is an els favourite baking ingredient? Elf raising flour
What song is sung at a Snowmans birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!
What does Santa suffer from when he gets stuck down a chimney?
Claustraphobia?
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What is Santa’s favourite pizza?
One that’s deep pan, crisp and even.
How does Santa like his pizza?
Deep & crisp & even
Knock knock who’s there?Santa..Santa who???Santa why’s ya chimney blocked!!!
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
RUDE-olph
What did Santa say to the angry Snowman?
Chill out!
Who hides in the kitchen at Christmas?
A mince-spy!
Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory? Because he couldn’t concentrate!
Where did Mrs Claus meet Santa? At the SnowBall
What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve?
Auld Fang Syne
What’s E.T. short for?
Because he’s got little legs
Cracks me up every time!
why is it getting harder to buy advent calendars? Because their days are numbered
Why didn’t Santa eat all the pies?………..Because they’re not good for his elf ?
What goes “Oh Oh Oh”?
Father Christmas walking backwards x
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis!
Why did Santa cross the road?
The get to the chimney
Mother in law and beer are the best cold!
One snowman to the other can you smell carrots
Who is Santa’s favourite singer? Elf-is
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly jumper!
My favourite was always (and still is):
What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
What do you call an elf who sings?
A Wrapper!
Why is The Great British Bake-Off like the nativity?
Because the Star is in the Yeast.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ho ho ho
Tim: Did you know Santa had only eight reindeer last Christmas?
Jim: Huh?
Tim: Comet stayed home to clean the sink.
How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed!
How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed!
Two elves walked into a house.
You would have thought one of them would have seen it!
Q Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A A mince spy!
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it
What do you call a train loaded with toffee? A chew chew train.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
Q: What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
A: Tinselitis!
What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast?
The One Show!
Who delivers cats and kitten’s Christmas presents?
Santa Paws, of course!
What did Father Christmas say to Mother Christmas
as they looked up at the sky on Christmas Eve……..
There’s no sign of ‘rein’deer!
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
I’ve no idea
Why was the carrot found in a puddle ??? That was my snowman
how do you start a polar-bear race? Ready, teddy go!
What did Santa say to eve on the night before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve ?
Q: Where do Zombies go on holiday?
A: Gravesend.
Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?
“Rude”-olph!
What is black and white and red all over – a newspaper
Why doesn’t Santa like Winter? Because of the rain, dear.
What do you call an old snowman? Water!
One snowman says to the other “Do you smell carrots?”
What do you call a snowman to close to the oven?
A puddle
what did adam say to eve the day before Christmas? Its Christmas eve
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer!
How do you make a potato puff? Chase it around the garden!
Why was Santa ill at Christmas? He had tinsellitus
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
A snowman tried to chat up a snow lady.
She gave him the cold shoulder!
Why didn’t Rudolph and dasher sell on eBay?
Because they were too deer
Why did Santa little helpers run riot in his toy factory— because Santa had no Elf Control
What is Santa’s favourite Pizza?
One that is Deep Pan, Crisp and Even
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
Knock Knock
Whose there
Dunnap
Dunnap Who
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
What does Miley Cirus have at Christmas?
Twerky
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
Why did the turkey join a band? Because he already had the drum sticks 🙂
Why did the man sleep under the car?
So he could wake up oily in the morning.
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? RUDEolph.
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? Deep Pan, crisp and even.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite! 🙂
what did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
——-DAM!
What do a snowmans friends sing to him on his birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
What goes Ho Ho Whoosh…..Ho Ho Whoosh? Santa caught in a revolving door LOL
What do you call a deer that can’t see…..no eyed deer! boom boom.
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it ☺
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
How does Father Christmas climb up a chimney? He uses a ladder in the stocking!
What do you call an old snowman? Water 🙂
A skeleton walked into a bar, ordered a pint of lager and a mop
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose!!!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps
*groan*
What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?
Get out of my face.
What did one snowman say to another
Dude… Can you smell carrots?
What is Santa’s favourite pizza? One that’s deep pan, crisp and even.
What goes OH OH OH? Santa walking backwards!!!!
What is Winnie the Pooh’s middle name??
….. the 😛
Q- What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
A- It’s Christmas, Eve
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
Why did Santa buy himself 30 chihuahuas to pull his sleigh?
Because the reindeer were too “deer”!