Dearest My Little Loves,
The year has vanished while we’ve been having fun – it’s true what they say about time going fast when you do! I remember thinking just enjoy this moment, just enjoy this moment every time Raffie did something new, not wanting the moments to end but they did and he has grown so much over the past six months it kills me thinking did I enjoy all the moments enough?! I enjoyed them, just so much so that I want to go back and do it all again. He talks and says Mummy not just MumMum now. He calls Florence Bo Bo, he loves Jimmy like a hero and he says ‘MY DADDA’ with such proprietorial ownership it’s ridiculous – that boy loves his Daddy alright! He yabbers away babbling mostly in his own language and I tell him over and over that I love him because frankly I just can’t help myself! He is beyond gorgeous and naughty and funny and grumpy and clever and wonderful and a kiss from this baby makes my day!
Jimmy has grown too, my tiny boy has become big (but is still little really) and so grown up. He is so super smart and when things go wrong his reactions make me beyond proud of him. Some rubbish at school and he is responding with a maturity that I wouldn’t have imagined in a boy of 7 – he is one in a million this boy with his magic tricks and knowledge. He makes me proud, proud, proud that he is himself and no one else. He SINGS at the top of his voice (beautifully too) and performed his first show with the Norfolk Youth Music theatre making friends of all ages. I dropped him off one day and watched him fist bump one of the 17 year old lads who said ‘Y’alright Jimmy?’ and his smile grew from one ear to the other. Life is more than inside the walls of a school (thank goodness) and my boy joining in with the theatre group has made my year I think – his confidence has grown, his circle widened and his appetite for singing (he’s like his daddy) has been fed and nurtured. THIS BOY WILL BE A STAR OF THAT I AM SURE! And for me, he already is one!
And my Florence, Flobo, Bobo, Bobo Baggins, Bagkins, Baglet… Oh she may be growing up thick and fast – looking back at pictures from this time last year has shown me she is very much more tween than tiny these days and I didn’t even notice it happening – but she is still my little girl underneath it. Hard to believe that it was a whole decade ago when I was waiting and seeing if I would get through Christmas and out the other side with my Florence bump. She arrived on New Year’s Eve at twenty to midnight making the most amazing entrance into the world and changing mine for the better forever. Fireworks and snow was falling as I held her in my arms for the first time and it was like we were in a movie. She still comes in for a cuddle on the sofa but she doesn’t belong to me quite so much these days. That’s what I notice about her. As she matures she needs me less, is more independent and as she ties her hair in a top knot before bed she looks so sophisticated and beautiful giving me a glimpse of probably what will happen in 5 minutes flat, of when she becomes a teenager. She will be as magnificent then as she is now and was as a toddler and a baby. But where did that time go from the days of watching her move in my tummy while in the bath as I talked to her saying ‘right now it’s just you and me kid, soon I will have to share you with the world but right now it’s just you and me’? I miss that time, I really do and though I’m excited for everything this amazing creature is and will be, I would like her to stay an innocent child for a bit longer. Just a bit longer. Just so that I can soak up and enjoy a few more of these moments! With all of them actually!
My family of three… Oh how lucky are we! I am enjoying being with all of them at all their different ages and I can honestly say that there has never been a stage during parenting over the last decade that I have not enjoyed. I love babies, I love toddlers, I love them all the way up to ten and I know that I will love everything beyond too. But I’m not done with having children I think. I’m 40, I realise time is not on my side but I would like just one more. Not a tribe of 7, I won’t push Jonny over the edge entirely, but I really do think we have one more space, one more spot in the family for one more baby. Watch this space 2020 – I’m coming for you with all my fingers crossed that luck and time are on my side because frankly when you make kiddos as good as I do then it would be rude not to at least think about just one more huh!