Well here we are, having raced into our very last week in London and I can’t believe that today is the last day of school in Leytonstone for my babies. I think I’ve dreaded this day more than the actual day we are moving because the school, along with friends, is the biggest reason we don’t want to leave.
A week ago today we got the news to say our massive chain of 9 had finally come together for an exchange and there was absolutely no going back. I think we all feel very up and down about this. Happy and sad as Florence has been saying. This morning however, I woke up just wanting to cry.
Florence had her school disco yesterday afternoon and she came home from it feeling very melancholy. We are simply in love with that school and have aching hearts at the thought of not being part of it anymore although Florence said ‘I’ll always be a Davies Laner, no matter where I am. The other night Florence told me her heart was breaking which in turn broke mine. My poor little thing.
She also had her last Girl’s Brigade yesterday, which for her I think is almost harder to leave than the school. I’ve told her we will come back once every half term for GB and this has eased it a little but both of us were very teary when reading the bed time story as she cuddled the Girl’s Brigade teddy bear given to her by the 7th Leytonstone Brigade she has loved being a member of.
I cried again thinking about what her teachers Mr Foxy and the new Miss Pretty have said about her. Such lovely things which are easy and heartwarming to accept in a way a compliment about myself never could be. Easy because I know they are true and heart warming because other people see how fabulous she is. And she is. Jimmy’s teacher Miss Lovely welled up herself yesterday and again this morning as she gave us a precious gift she has made for Florence and Jimmy. It warms my heart that he too is so fondly thought of but makes me so sad that he won’t be at this school for the next bit. I feel so mixed about taking them away from everything they know and love.
But… On Monday we move to a big house in Norfolk for an old life in the country. An old life because I know it so well. I grew up there and know in my heart of hearts that it’s a better life for children and my children deserve that. They deserve the big house but they also deserve a smaller class size, fresh air, the beach on tap, countryside on their doorstep but still with a city 10 minutes away. They deserve to grow up where their Grandparents are and where it’s highly unlikely to meet gangs of boys wielding knives on the school run. I know all this but still it’s making my eyes fill up with salty tears because for all it’s detriment, we love it here. We have to do what’s best for our children, I want to do what’s best for my children but it doesn’t stop it hurting.
I’m going to try and remember what Florence said to me yesterday and take on board my own advice to her too.
‘I’m sad to be moving and leaving my friends but I will make new ones and then I’ll have double’.
Wise words my girl, wise words.
And I said to her ,as she lay in bed with sadness and tears last night:
‘I promise I wouldn’t be taking you away if I didn’t think it was the absolute best thing to do, the best thing for you. You will feel sad tomorrow night because it IS sad but please try and enjoy the last day, smile, have fun and pretend like you don’t know it’s the last because really it won’t be. The people who count, who are meant to be in your life, they just have a way of working their way back to you somehow. I know this and I promise. Go and hug everyone you want to hug and tell them you will miss them but just enjoy the day like it’s a normal one. You have such good things coming my darling and you will make a million plans looking at the walls of your very own bedroom which you don’t have to share with anyone. We will be in our new house for a very long time and you will giggle with your friends old and new there, you will grow up and you will probably dream over your first boyfriend and then cry over your first heart break and I will be there and we will be together and that’s all that matters. Good things are coming I promise’.
So I’m gonna try and remember those things and enjoy my last London weekend. I’m out with the ladies of the Stone tonight then we have three birthday parties and singing with the Girl’s Brigade at church on Sunday so plenty of opportunities to see our friends again before we go. I will try not to be too sentimental or look back too hard and I will try not to cry. I really will.
Talking of crying, which I HAVE been doing a tiny bit of when a moment catches me. Jimmy said the lovliest thing to me in the car yesterday as a tear escaped.
‘Don’t cry Mummy, I’m here and I will look after you.’
Thank you darling boy, thank you!