I’ve been having a lovely weekend but it’s making me feel very sad. That’s a bit of a juxtaposition isn’t it…
It started on Friday at school pick up when Jimmy raced around the playground, happy after his first week at the same school as Florence having begun the nursery on Monday and we waited for friends before walking en masse to our local park.
I’d had a conversation with Florence’s Mr Foxy at the school gate and told him of our move. He seemed genuinely disappointed to be losing my two from his school and I’d had to really pinch myself as I told him the news otherwise I’d have burst into tears. I’m pretty sure he already thinks I’m a lunatic so I wanted to minimise the crazy…
I am absolutely gutted to be taking them away from such a lovely school and I wanted to tell him how much so, he probably wouldn’t care really but I wanted to tell him how much his and his team’s efforts have meant to us this year. Not very long ago, just a few weeks actually, I’d asked for a meeting with him to discuss Florence’s progress. I hadn’t known then that the option of a move was imminent and I’d asked him in depth how he would facilitate my bright daughter for next year because I was worried she may be left to cruise. He took over an hour to talk to me, this is a big school and if everyone asked for this time it would be impossible yet I get the feeling they would somehow do it. No wonder they are considered outstanding in every area by Ofsted. He made me so reassured that Florence was in the exact right place for her and now… I’m whipping her away…
So I had this thought on my mind as my friends and I trotted to the park with picnics and a bottle of wine (it WAS end of play Friday after all) under our buggies. I didn’t cry but just let myself enjoy the moments. The children ran wild around the small park as we sat and chatted. We ate, we drank, we sang happy birthday to one of our little friends and enjoyed cake. We stayed in the park until nearly 9pm. It was nothing special but yet everything wonderful about where I live all rolled into one and it stung my eyes and laid heavy in my heart despite the lovely time.
On the way home, with a bit of wine fueling my emotions probably, I cried buckets. BUCKETS. I LOVE these women I am friends with and I LOVE their children. I am going to miss them SO much.
On Saturday we had a family day out in London. In my beloved London. We went to the o2 to see In The Night Garden Live for the fifth year in a row. We loved it as always and afterwards we went to Five Guys for a burger then took a trip on the Emirates Cable Car before home to the Wanstead Flats for a birthday party. Yet again the children raced around playing 40/40 and Duck Duck Goose as we enjoyed watching them. It was a grand day filled with our friends again and lots of London magic. I couldn’t help the dark cloud that’s covering me at the moment though as I constantly think about being in Norwich next year. Being in Norwich in just a few weeks actually.
I love Norwich but… It doesn’t feel like home anymore. I went to school in London which of course says it’s not far away but it also says that for most of my life I’ve had a connection here and now… After all these years I am cutting it off. I went to drama school near the Barbican and commuted every day from my early teens. It didn’t feel far that hour and 45 minute journey but… Now it feels mammoth! I just don’t know if I can ever adjust to a life in Norwich. It’s a City I know but… Oh goodness, it’s NO London, nowhere is!
But we are going and I know having a house, the impossible feat of staying in London for us, is the best thing.
Our flat is on Rightmove… It looks amazing. It IS amazing. I have been looking at the pictures and knowing we bought the right place even though it’s all wrong now. I’ve often wondered why we didn’t buy a house in the less desirable end of our area. We could have afforded to 8 years ago but instead, with little foresight for children in the future, we bought the flat in the golden location with the great view of the Wanstead Flats… I’ve wondered if we did the wrong thing because if we’d had that house further away then we’d at least still have been able to stay here but… The pictures on Rightmove of my first home owned tell me we’ve been living in the right place for us. And now we have to move, alas… It will work out I am sure. We just have to book the removal men now and it will all be going. If you’re thinking of moving then do look at this service in Chester.
This room is the hub of our house. It’s where I wrote on the walls before decorating to say ‘we woz ‘ere’, it’s where I sat and held my hours old Florence as a merry line of visitors came to see our perfect baby, it’s where I gave birth to my little Jimmy. This room. This is the room which sold us this house. It’s so light and bright.
I’ve watched the sun come up here so many times. I’ve sat in this window watching the world go by and it’s been my favourite place to be. This window. I’ve loved it here.
Where I sleep. Where we ALL sleep mostly it has to be said. It’s just a bedroom but it’s mine and I love it. This is where I go to bed early to knit or blog or watch crap TV like TOWIE. This is going to be somebody else’s bedroom soon… How can that be right? It’s such an odd feeling?
But it’s Florence and Jimmy’s room which makes me know we must be doing the right thing even though it hurts so much. Jimmy can’t even sit up in his tiny bed underneath Florence’s yet there isn’t really room for proper bunk beds or two separate beds with enough chests of drawers and toy storage for two children. It was the perfect room for Florence on her own but with a growing brother… I stood on a ladder weeks away from having my baby girl as I painted this room. I remember my bump resting on the wall as I decorated. It will ALWAYS be special but we have outgrown it.
It was a brilliant place to live and right for the time. I’ll always loved having lived here and they always say it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all right?
So… It really is the ‘Right Move’ even though it doesn’t feel like it. This time next week we will have had our open day and we’ve already put an offer in on a house in Norwich… Gosh.
But first there’s still today we are off for another day out with friends. To a London park with a picnic. London really does come alive in the summer and just like that Lilly Allen song I wonder why oh why would I wanna be anywhere else? But, apparently I do…